A Question I Didn’t Know I Had

I love Q&A panels. I had been fortunate enough to take part in two before this one, and they excited me and were always experiences filled with miracles.

We sat on the edge of the stage, our feet dangling. Shoulder to shoulder, we faced the girls in the audience.

I made sure to wink and smile at my girls sitting in the back (we were in the back because our young women activity went amazing, and I had a hard time ending on time haha!).

When the sister in charge of the young women devotional, Sister R., invited the female counselors to sit up on the stage, I felt ecstatic. Anticipatory tingles sat on the edge of my nerves, just ready to explode at a moments notice.

And BOY did they.

I’m getting ahead of myself though. Hehe!

As the female counselors sat up on the stage, Sister J. explained that any of the girls could raise their hand to ask a question, to which the counselors would answer them. Sister J. spoke very highly of us, stating that we were experts and diligent, worthy disciples of Christ. Who better to answer the young women’s questions?!

There were three microphones between us counselors, and because I just happened to sit in the very middle of the stage, I often held one in my hand. It made it easy to pass down to whichever counselor needed it.

I remember just enjoying being there. I enjoyed listening to the answers that my friends gave to the questions asked. For every question, I pondered how I would answer it and what I would say.

But every time a question was asked, I heard, “Don’t answer this.”

In fact, one time I accidentally spoke my response aloud, “I’m not going my to answer this.” The two counselors sitting next to me said, “That’s okay, you don’t have to!”

I felt slightly embarrassed because I did not mean to say anything out loud. Ehh, oh well.

Eventually, when a question was asked, the message I heard was different. It started off the same, “Don’t answer this one.” But then it continued.

“I need you to answer a different one.”

Okay? Not sure what that meant. So I just decided to sit and wait until the question was asked. The question I needed to answer. The question I didn’t know.

While I was sitting there waiting, enjoying being there, enjoying listening to my fellow counselor friends, enjoying smiling and winking at different girls, I spotted a dark haired young woman with bright pink pit viper sunglasses on her forehead.

It was then I knew. I needed to answer her question.

I heard in my own thoughts, “Kyra, I need you to answer her question.”

And I knew that she wasn’t going to ask it.

I needed to figure out her question, find an answer, pick up the microphone, and speak.

Piece of cake. Ha!

Gratefully, I had brought my phone on-stage with me. So I pulled it out and immediately turned to Gospel Library.

I began searching for an answer to a question I didn’t know.

Logically, it made sense to try to figure out what the question could be. I remembered that I had copied a question down, word for word, from a Q&A panel from my week three.

I went into my notes to find it. Maybe that was the question I needed to answer.

It was, “Right now I’m having trouble feeling the spirit. I don’t know how to turn to Christ and live the principles of serving and speaking out.”

My heart and mind told me I was close. But it wasn’t quite right.

Immediately, I exited the notes app and began scrolling hopelessly through Gospel Library once more.

An idea struck my mind. I needed to read Revelation 21:4.

After securing that scripture and saving it for easy access, the next idea formed.

I needed to read a quote from Elder Holland.

In hindsight, I think I was supposed to go to the talk, “Like a Broken Vessel” from October 2013 all along, but I wasn’t sure, so I briefly skimmed through three others before I finally arrived at that talk.

After finding the quote I felt I needed to read (it was the only thing highlighted which is ironic because I love that talk!) and saving it to turn to again, I sat for a second, stumped.

I was missing something.

It was at this point that I knew I needed to read something I had written.

After leaving Gospel Library (but keeping it open to come back to), I went to Safari and searched for my blog.

I knew I was at the right spot, but I wasn’t sure which post I needed to read.

The mad scramble to find the right thing began once again.

I think I clicked and then skimmed through 4-5 talks before I came across, “I Get it Now.”

At that point, I knew I had found the final puzzle piece. I just had to figure out what part to read and how much to read.

I pondered if I needed to give background to the excerpt or if I could just read it.

I ended up deciding that I was going to be talking for long enough anyway, so I was just going to go straight for it, no explanation needed.

Now that I had my “answer” to the question I didn’t know, it was time to speak up.

My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt hot and flushed. I felt slightly unsure and a little nervous.

The question, “How do you stay motivated to read the scriptures?” was asked and three counselors had already answered it when I felt the spirit strongly tell me, “Now or never.”

Due to my position in the middle of the stage, the microphone had already been handed to me even though I still hadn’t said anything or answered any questions.

Sister J. was about to hand the microphone to a young woman when I made a little movement with my hand and raised the microphone to my mouth.

Understandably, Sister J. was a little surprised as the question had already been fully answered, and it was clearly time to move on to another one.

She gave me the go ahead anyway, and that’s when I spoke.

I kid you not when I say I was shaking, trembling really, and I had barely said a word. Tears started down my eyes in a consistent flow, and it became very hard to see (much less read the words on my phone in front of me!).

Overwhelmed with emotion, I expressed that I was going to answer a question that no one was going to ask.

I began reading Revelation 21:4.

4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Revelation 21:4

(Side note: afterwards a young woman expressed to me that she thought it was funny that the first thing that I read talked about wiping away all tears and I was basically sobbing as I read it. Very ironic indeed!)

After I finished reading the scripture, I expressed that I was going to read a quote by Jeffrey R. Holland from his talk, “Like a Broken Vessel.”

I barely made it through the quote and had to move the phone really close to my eyes in order to see.

The quote is,

“Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.”

Like a Broken Vessel

After reading, “healed,” I put my phone down for a moment and said something to the effect of, “The last thing that I’m going to read is something that I wrote about a year ago.”

Then I read this excerpt from my blog post, I Get it Now:

I don’t know what’s going on in your life as you read or listen to this now.

And I don’t know what experiences you’ve had in your past or present that have made you question why life is so hard or why things had or have to hurt so badly. Or even why your heart shattered and never really healed.

I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you why things happened or why your heart broke or why something really unfair happened to you.

I truly wish I knew, so I could give you that comfort.

Give you that sweet moment of realization and the ability to say, “I get it now.”

But I have faith that your moment of, “I get it now,” will come.

Because I KNOW that He knows. He has known all along. He has been with you all along.

Been by your side all along.

And I know that He is ANXIOUS to give you that indescribable moment when you finally understand.

When you are able to say, “I get it now,” and feel joy that IT MATTERED.

He is anxious to heal your shattered heart. Heal your wounded soul. Heal your broken mind.

So you can look back and with confidence say, “I get it now.”

But for now, know that He knows. He hasn’t forgotten you. He hasn’t given up on you. He hasn’t deserted you.

He loves you.

And He will bless you with that moment.

That moment when you’ll feel

peace,

joy,

maybe even gratitude.

And you’ll be able to say

I get it now.

He has known all along. He gets it now. And one day, you will too!

I Get it Now

If I haven’t expressed it enough, let me try again. I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. My body was trembling, my hands were shaking, my eyes were full of tears, my heart was pounding, and my voice was overcome with emotion. It’s a miracle I got through it all and that anyone understood anything!

When I finished reading that excerpt from the post, I spoke right from my heart and soul. I vehemently expressed how much the Lord loves them (the young women). I exclaimed that they had absolutely no idea how much He loves them. That they have no idea how much we love them. That we have prayed and prayed for them before we even met them because of how much we love them.

I explained that the Lord knows them. Perfectly. And I said that no matter what was going on in their lives, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were aware of them and LOVED them. I added my testimony that I believed in “I get it now” moments and I knew that their “I get it now” moments were coming.

I don’t know what else I said, but I do know that every word came from my heart. My trembling, pounding, beating, and vulnerable heart.

This was one of three moments in my life (I can think of this one and two more) where I felt the spirit tangibly and physically in the room. The spirit of the Lord was THERE. It settled heavily upon our hearts, filling them with feelings of peace and love.

After one or two more questions, we stood to say the young women theme together, practiced the FSY medley, and said the closing prayer.

I went back to sit/stand next to my girls to sing the FSY medley, so I was back in the auditorium when the closing prayer was over.

Immediately, girls started approaching me. I asked each of them their name and had a very special moment with each girl individually.

Some of them sobbed in my arms.

I felt prompted to tell a few that it would get better. I felt prompted to promise them.

I was so focused on each young woman that I didn’t notice the small line of girls waiting to talk to me.

It was divine design that lunch was after, so there was time to talk and hug.

After about eight girls and I talked, the young woman with the pink pit viper sunglasses and her friend approached me.

My guess is they waited to the side so they could be last.

With tears rolling down their eyes, they both hugged me.

Then the girl in the pink pit viper sunglasses said something that I will never forget.

Something that proves to me that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true. That promptings are real. That miracles do happen.

She said, “You answered a question I didn’t even know I had.”

WHOA. HOLD UP. WHAT?!

I giggled and expressed to her that that made sense because I didn’t know her question either. I imagine I added, “You and me both,” or something.

She laughed too.

It is miraculous to me that while sitting on the stage, I looked at this young woman and was prompted and guided to answer her question. The question that she wasn’t going to ask. The question she didn’t even know she had!

The question that I still don’t really know… though I don’t suppose I need to.

I think one of the main reasons there wasn’t a “specific” question is because the spirit wanted to testify individually, one by one, of the love that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ had for each girl. He wanted to answer every question from every longing heart.

That is what is magic and miraculous about the Holy Ghost and the Gospel.

Any one speaker cannot speak individually and personally to every single person listening.

But the spirit can.

The spirit can send very specific and meaningful and profound and personal and loving messages to listeners, one by one.

That is what happened that day. That’s why I had several girls thank me.

What an absolute gift. What an absolute gift.

I am beyond thankful, more than words can express, for that life-changing experience.

I have a very strong testimony that Heavenly Father cares about us. Loves us. Knows us.

One by one.

He answers our prayers.

He answers the longings of our hearts.

He answers our questions.

Even if we don’t know them.

Because He does.

What an absolute gift.