Learning Heaven

I’m in institute choir, and it’s one of my favorite classes (if not my favorite). The best part of the class is our institute teacher, Sister T. She has so much love in her heart and shares it everyday with each and every student. She has the most welcoming and warming smile. It just screams, “you are loved and welcome here!!!”

Now that I’ve given you some background on choir and how much I love Sister T., I thought I’d share some of our texts. (She gave me permission.) I asked her a question about the song below, Savior, Redeemer of My Soul by Orson F. Whitney.

At the end of the song, the last two lines say,

“Make me more worthy of thy love. And fit me for the life above.”

Kyra

Okay so here is my question:

In the song, “Savior, Redeemer of My Soul”, it says, “make me more worthy of thy love” in measure 89.

However, it is taught that we don’t have to earn his love. As a perfectionist, I have tried to learn that we cannot “earn” our way to heaven.

Therefore, this phrase confuses me.

I understand he is just a human being writing a song, but I’m curious your thoughts on it?

Sister T

Kyra what an insightful, beautiful question.

First of all, I love your thoughts about how we are not here to “earn” heaven. And I love that you’re remembering that the author of this beautiful song is just a human being sharing his thoughts. Both VERY important things!

Here’s what I think…

I absolutely agree with you. We do not have to be “worthy” of love or “earn” heaven. So I guess the question is, what are we here for and what does His love mean? For me I can’t read the phrase in measure 89 without the next part “and fit me for the life above”.

We’re not here to earn heaven. We’re here to LEARN heaven. And I think that might be the key. We learn heaven as we become active participants in His love. I don’t think Orson F. Whitney felt like Jesus did not love Him or should not love Him, I think He wants a more personal relationship, one where he can change and become more like Jesus. I love the start of verse 2 which kind of adds to the picture I think: “Never can I repay thee, Lord, But I can love thee.” Jesus Christ does not ask for repayment. He does not even need us to love Him, but boy do I need to. I need to love Him. It makes my life different. 💛

I’m interested in the thoughts you have too! On what I shared and on what Brother Whitney said. 💛

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As we were practicing this song in sectionals (all the altos together), I noticed this phrase and felt confused. There were several thoughts that went through my head, but I couldn’t quite figure out why there is often a double standard about “doing enough” and “being enough” and “earning love” but also being “loved unconditionally.” It’s been a question I’ve had for most of my life … even wee little 12-13 yr old Kyra questioned this. Maybe younger but I know I did when I was 12-13.

There are lessons given about perfectionism; how being perfect doesn’t mean doing everything right and in the exact way it should be done. It means being completed, whole, pure, and so on.

Okay, so I’ve learned that.

But then, there would be lessons in seminary and in Sunday school about needing to do more, to be better, to be less selfish, to stop being prideful, to improve. Always always improve.

So that’s cool, I’m okay with improving each day.

But I want to do it my own way.

I hated the lessons about doing more and being less prideful. It always made me question if I was doing enough, and it was overwhelming. Was I super prideful? Or did I just want to be loved? To be special? It made me want to give up and stop trying all together.

I’ve come to understand that in seminary, the target audience is high schoolers. Teenagers without an intrinsic need to better themselves spiritually. Not most of them anyway (not the case for me😉). Seminary teachers feel the need to structure the lesson to target people who might benefit from hearing that it’s important to improve.

My point in saying that is, I don’t think the teachers’ intended goal was to stress those out who do try and do want to be better.

All. By. Themselves.

When I say all by themselves, I mean they have an intrinsic need and desire to become better. They don’t need others to tell them to improve or be better. They say that to themselves.

So that’s me. I’m part of that group. I am one person in that collection of people who are motivated on the inside.

Okay back to the song. I mentioned something to two girls/friends next to me. One of them said, “maybe think that he meant he wants to feel more worthy of god’s love.”

And that’s fair. I can respect that.

As a response to Sister T’s comments, I agree. We are here to learn Heaven, not earn it. It’s probably a quote somewhere, but if it’s not, I’m giving credit to Sister T, and I’m probably going to use it in the future.

Okay, I just looked it up, Brad Wilcox said, “No, we are not earning Heaven. We are learning Heaven.”

I like Sister T’s phrasing better. 😋

In response to that, yes. That’s wonderful and profound. Let’s learn Heaven.

As to the thoughts about loving the savior, I don’t know what’s up with me. I truly don’t know how to. Maybe I do, deep deep down, and I don’t recognize that that is love for Him.

I do love people that exemplify his traits. They are my favorite type of people. I hope one day I can love him personally, but today isn’t that day, and I’m okay with that. It’s far more complicated and complex than I can even begin to explain, but for now, that’s enough.

My final thought is that I think we all don’t feel worthy of love from time to time. Perhaps Orson F. Whitney felt in need of love. Perhaps he felt like he needed to earn it. Perhaps he couldn’t fit “make me feel more worthy of thy love.” 😂😉 Maybe he didn’t know that that’s what he meant.

Or maybe, he meant it how it is written, and in that case, it’s okay too. But for me, I know that I don’t need to earn his love. I don’t need to strive for perfection. I don’t need to become more “worthy” to be loved. I don’t need to know and love the savior with a perfect knowledge and love … yet. I’ve got time, and I think a desire to love him is enough for now. I’m grateful for that.

The next thing I want to share is that I went through the temple of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on March 2, 2022.

In the temple, we learn more about heaven, so I thought it would be perfect to share my thoughts from that day.

Here are my thoughts from 3/2/22:

My favorite part about today was seeing all the people that love me be there to support me. I sat in one of the chairs in the room (facing forward) and as people filed in to sit down, I turned around to watch and smile at them. (Unfortunately this had to be done through the mask.) Their dresses were so pretty, and I felt so grateful for them and their presence.

I’m so happy AND glad AND grateful I got to go through the temple today. Although I didn’t feel the spirit, it felt really special. Emotionally I did not “recognize” it to be a special day, but logically, I KNOW that it was a special day. Sometimes logic is enough.

I know the emotional and spiritual part will come with time.

My mom bought cards and these little notes to give to the people who came to support me today. That was sooo thoughtful of her, and everyone appreciated them. It took me quite a lot of time to write in everybody’s card, but I’m grateful I did it. Their gratitude filled me. It’s all thanks to my mom. She is so considerate and kind. 💖☺️ (Thank you mom!)

I think that’s all I have to share with you today. I’m grateful for the temple and getting to go through. I’m grateful I have access to blessings if I can keep my covenants.

I know the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know it with all of my heart. I’m grateful I get to be part of it. Sooo soo grateful.

I don’t normally do this, but I’m curious: What are your thoughts on the song mentioned above? What do you think Whitney meant when he said, “make me more worthy for thy love”?

Thank you for reading and for supporting me. I appreciate it! 🥰