Maybe it’s Not Impossible After All

Before I begin, here’s a quick note:

For those who are interested in some random, sporadic, unorganized, messy, and possibly boring updates/thoughts, they are at the bottom of this post. 

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When I was a teenager, I struggled significantly with depression. I saw the world in shades of gray, and I genuinely believed that life would never improve. It didn’t feel possible. I remember thinking that I saw the world as it really was, and when I wasn’t suffering from depression, my outlook on life was a lie. 

When the incessant and intense pressure wasn’t sitting heavily on my chest, there were moments when I believed that life really was worth living, that there was beauty and joy all around, and that hope was a living and breathing thing.

Then the pain would come back, and once again, it would be hard to breathe. A simple task, such as getting a drink of water, would feel like climbing Mount Everest. Impossible. 

It seemed like it always came back. Moments of reprieve were simply an illusion, and I would suffer with debilitating depression for the rest of my life.

The idea that, one day, I could live life without depression felt like a fantasy—genuinely impossible. Impossible.

There were times my body shook with sobs as I repeated, “It always comes back. It always comes back! It will always come back.”

Sustaining happiness? Impossible. 

Impossible. Impossible. Impossible.

There is no such thing as a life without depression. It’s simply not possible.

Several weeks ago, as I was sweeping and mopping at work, I was prompted to recall these thoughts from long ago.

Tears gathered in my eyes, and I felt my heart swell with emotion. Possible. It wasn’t just possible, but I was living proof that there was such a thing as a life without depression. A long lasting, perpetual, and sustained time where I had not had a relapse. The depression had not come back.

Over three years and counting.

Possible.

Real.

A miracle.

Since that time, I’ve continued to ponder this.

Again and again, I have felt Heaven’s loving presence as I think, “Wow. It really was possible.”

My pondering has led me to connect this to other aspects of my life.

I wrote this a few days later:

[Apr 23, 2025 at 9:30 PM]

I was JUST thinking about a topic similar to this scripture. In fact, I had a conversation with ChatGPT about a possible podcast episode title about 30 minutes ago, and it helped me pick out, “Maybe it’s Not Impossible After All.”

The last few days as I’ve been pondering life, I began thinking about this question I’ve had that often resurfaces. The question resurfaces because the subject of the question changes.

Let me explain.

The question is, “Is it really possible?”

It is what changes. So to write it out again, “Is [insert here] really possible?”

Past “insert here” subjects:

-having a strong and sincere relationship with Jesus Christ

-not feeling depressed

-getting into graduate school

-losing weight

I’m happy to say that each of my questions has been answered, and the answer is the same each time: “Yes!”

It takes a lot of trust and waiting upon the Lord to receive each “yes,” but it feels soooo rewarding and wonderful when the answer comes. I only wrote down subjects that I have received a “yes” for, though I have faith that my other questions will have answers too.

Current or future “insert here” subjects:

-getting married

-in addition to getting married, having a Celestial, higher, and holier marriage

-having kids

I know with faith and with continued discipleship, the promised blessings in my Patriarchal Blessing will come to pass. God cannot lie (nor does He want to), and if I hold up my end of the bargain, then He will hold up His AND surpass my expectations.

The scriptures are full of promises too: “Be not troubled,” and then evidence that God keeps His promises, “ye may know that the promises which have been made unto you shall be fulfilled.”

Isn’t that wonderful? I’m so grateful for the gospel, for Jesus Christ, and for a loving Heavenly Father!

[Apr 23, 2025 at 9:44 PM]

35 ​And I said unto them: Be not ​​​troubled​, for, when all these things shall come to pass, ye may know that the promises which have been made unto you shall be fulfilled.

​​​36 ​And when the ​​​light​ shall begin to break forth, it shall be with them like unto a parable which I will show you—

D&C 45:35-36

I promise you, from personal experience and from the bottom of my heart, that it is really possible. 

The thing you’ve been hoping for, the thing you’ve been praying for, the thing you’ve been waiting for… it is really possible. 

Back in March, I made the decision to get in shape. I decided I was going to lose fat, gain muscle, eat healthier, and improve my physical health. I implemented a calorie deficit (when your body burns more calories than you eat) by tracking my calories. I decided to begin strength/weight training, and I consciously made decisions on what food to eat that contained the macronutrients that my body needed.

I can’t tell you how many times I questioned if it was really possible. Could I actually lose weight? It felt impossible. Impossible.

And then, with astonishment, I watched as the numbers dropped incrementally. I noticed that clothes fit differently. I felt satisfied that my body was responding. 

I learned that when you implement these strategies, your body doesn’t have a choice. It has to burn the fat! 

I still have a long way to go, and I’m still battling the inner voice in my head that tells me it’s not possible, but I am committed to see this through. 

Possible.

I promise you, from personal experience and from the bottom of my heart, that it is really possible. 

The thing you’ve been hoping for, the thing you’ve been praying for, the thing you’ve been waiting for… it is really possible. 

Another goal that felt impossible to achieve was getting into graduate school.

After my second time applying to SUU’s doctorate of psychology program and finding out I didn’t even get an interview (even after having a more competitive application), I sobbed to Heavenly Father.

I asked Him, “Why?” Then, choking on tears, I said, “I’m so confused. I thought this is what Thee wanted for me. What now? What do I do now?”

I can imagine that He heard me cry and thought, “Oh my sweet Kyra. I have other plans for you. Just trust me, I promise it will be okay.”

And on February 25, 2025, I received news that I had gotten into a master’s program at Brigham Young University.

Possible.

I promise you, from personal experience and from the bottom of my heart, that it is really possible. 

The thing you’ve been hoping for, the thing you’ve been praying for, the thing you’ve been waiting for … it is really possible. 

If you, like me, have wondered if it’s possible to live a life without the unbearable weight of depression, I promise you, it is possible. It is real. It is not a fantasy, and it is not a lie.

If you have also wondered if it’s possible to lose weight, I’ll remind you that, with dedication and hard work, your body doesn’t have a choice!

If you’ve struggled to know what God’s plan is for you, if you are unsure what’s next, if you’ve cried out to Heavenly Father for comfort and guidance, I know from personal experience that it is really possible to have a life better than what your imagination can provide for you.

I hope after reading this post, the next time you think, “It’s impossible,” your next thought is:

Actually, maybe it’s not impossible. 

Maybe…it’s not impossible after all.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Phillipians 4:13

P.S. On my podcast, there will be an episode that shares the title of this post. I will be going deeper into this topic and sharing more about the past “insert here” topics. I hope you check it out! (Give me like a week haha.)

The End

This next section is what I promised you above: random, sporadic, unorganized, messy, and possibly boring updates and thoughts. Without further ado…

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on my blog, and I find that to be pretty disappointing. Seriously! The last date I posted was on November 8, 2024. That’s crazy.

The good news is that my podcast has been alive and thriving. I’m not perfect at being consistent there either, but I really do try to get at least one episode out a week. My goal is to post two, but I do what I can haha!

When I feel bad that I haven’t posted on my blog in awhile, I ease the feelings of guilt and justify my lack of action by remembering that I have a podcast too, and at least I’m staying active there.

For some reason, posting on my blog is so much harder. I think there’s more pressure for it to be “good.” I want it to mean something, I want it to be uplifting, I want it to be interesting and a solid representation of who I am as a person and writer. There is less pressure when I’m podcasting (though there still is some). 

I think the other side of that is I want to finish my FSY blog posts, but I get stuck on a specific story, and I don’t feel I can move on to (or even begin thinking about) a new blog post until the other ones are written. And it just makes sense to go in chronological order. 

What is unfortunate about that is now I am two years behind. I have week six and seven to write about from 2023, and I have weeks 1-5 to write about from 2024. (Notice how I didn’t say I have one specific post per week. Yes, that’s right. Some of them have a few titles down for potential posts, and other weeks have only one.)

But now, as I look over my list, I feel overwhelmed because I don’t even remember what I was going to write about. Thank goodness I took extremely detailed notes, but still! I worry the quality is going to suffer…which also holds me back. Ugh!

Next topic (Yeah, I know, this transition is fantastic!):

Although I continually justify not writing on my blog more often, I feel this yearning to begin again. I miss journaling (that has really slowed down too). I miss expressing myself in meaningful and engaging ways. I still do it sometimes, but it is just different. But hey! Good news! I renewed my blog for three more years, so this isn’t going anywhere until at least 2028 (don’t worry, I’ll renew it then too). It was over $400, but you’re worth it. And actually, it was supposed to be over $600, but I messaged them and asked for a discount because I am trying to save and pay for college. It made me happy that messaging them worked hehehehe!

So, as stated above, several times I have felt drawn to write, but expectations for myself have held me back. Today, I decided to write anyway, so please excuse the mess and imperfections.

I actually just listened to a BYU devotional where the speaker, Sister Clark, talked about turning a “mess” into a “message.” I liked that a lot. 

So here I am, trying to write again. Trying to inspire through written word. I’m just hoping I haven’t lost my touch! Haha!

[pretend there’s a transition here haha]

I’m pretty blessed to be on multiple people’s missionary email lists. I get anywhere from 4-8 every week (depending on if people write an email or not). And if you asked me how long I would prefer the emails to be, eight times out of ten I’m going to say, “short and sweet,” or, “spiritual but simple.” And here I am, posting a forever long blog post with thousands of words. It seems hypocritical of me, but I can’t help myself. So just know, I acknowledge that my blog posts are often long, I acknowledge most of you probably don’t get to the end (fair enough), and I acknowledge that I’d probably have better engagement if I kept them short. But what do I do with all these extra thoughts? Do I just leave them up in my head? Seems like a waste!

My original draft of this post had 900 words (only counting the actual story/motivational message), and then it took a life of its own and now has 1300 words. I also checked how many words were in my random and sporadic section at the end (you’re reading it buddy!), and there are over a thousand. 

I blame it on a new book I’ve been reading. It’s called, “The Experience of Extinction: Being Human in a Disembodied World.” In the book, the author talks about how we don’t ponder anymore. We don’t allow our mind to wander. Nowadays, we fill every extra second and moment with something to occupy our brains (specifically talking about technology). So although I always listen to BYU devotionals when I’m sweeping and mopping at work, I decided to keep my phone and AirPods in the office while I swept and mopped the shelter. I let my thoughts grow and develop into words that I could fit into this blog post. It was actually an enjoyable experience, and I encourage you to give it a try. Instead of filling extra time with your phone, take time to ponder instead.