I Get it Now

September 4th

I never imagined that this summer had so much to teach me.

I mean, ya, I expected to learn, to grow, to change, to make friends, to meet and love the youth…but I didn’t entirely expect to be completely transformed.

The very first day of FSY training, I wrote “More”, and I would say that at that moment of time, I had a brief glimpse of the wonderful possibilities that FSY could gift me.

If I listened.

If I was willing to learn.

And boy did I learn!

My heart feels full while thinking of all the things I learned.

All the things I came to *finally* understand.

All the moments I wondered and cried out, “Oh please Heavenly Father, help this have purpose. Help this have meaning. Help this pain mean something.”

All those moments where I heard nothing in response.

All those moments where my heart broke, leaving me shattered, broken, and confused.

All those moments leaving me curious as to where Jesus Christ fit in.

Where He was.

And now…

I know.

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Each Monday, I got to meet with my girls, introduce myself, and explain all the rules of FSY.

This particular week, I had decided to share that a girl from the previous week had messaged me, and I found a way to message her back.

I explained to the girls that as counselors, we are not allowed to contact any youth privately, but we can respond to them publicly on social media posts and so on.

Well anyway, this young woman contacted me, and I found a way to respond that wasn’t against the rules, but was still more private.

After sharing this, I expressed that if they contacted me, I would find a way to respond to them too.

Some of them nodded, and we moved on.

Well, four days later, on Thursday night, one of my girls from that week said to me in R&R, “When you shared that you found a way to contact her back, I thought, ‘Who would want to contact their FSY counselor outside of FSY? That’s weird. Well…I get it now.’”

After she said that, it was like my heart stopped beating.

And it exploded with happiness and joy and understanding and overwhelming gratitude.

And then started beating again.

Prior to this, from Tuesday night on, I was thinking of possible blog post titles and came up with “All Along” or “He Knew All Along.”

But when my young woman said, “I Get it Now,” nothing else could compete.

The title was so perfect. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

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One of the reasons I was thinking “All Along” was because I had the opportunity to talk to another counselor on Tuesday night about depression and some other related topics.

I shared some very vulnerable feelings with them, and they were so beyond appreciative.

They text me later that they never had anyone understand them in that way before. Had never had someone relate to them so deeply.

I was touched.

And convinced that previous experiences of mine, previous moments of excruciating pain, all made sense.

I had finally found a for sure reason why they happened.

I felt so grateful that Heavenly Father gave me a glimpse into what my future may hold; sharing my vulnerable feelings with others and being able to relate with them in a way that no one has before.

This counselor texted me later saying, “You said some things today that really helped me. And I was very grateful that you were able to relate with me. I have never related with someone as much as I related with you when you were talking about all that. It is so comforting to know that I’m not alone. I appreciated you being vulnerable with me.”

After reading this text, I cannot explain the overwhelming gratitude and joy I felt.

Heavenly Father knew. He knew all along.

I get it now.

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A week later (my final week), I had the opportunity to talk to one of my young women and really listen to her explain some of the hardships weighing heavy on her heart. We talked for a long time, and because of previous experiences in my life, I felt comfortable talking to her about those hard things. I knew when to nod, when to comfort, when to smile, when to look her in the eyes, when to offer encouraging words, and when to just be there.

All the while, I couldn’t help but think…I get it now. Father, I get it now.

That wonderful and beautiful young woman thanked me for listening to her and talking with her.

But now I want to thank her: Thank you. For allowing me to listen. For trusting me. For opening your heart to me. You gave me a gift that I will never forget. A gift of understanding as I realized that my past experiences had purpose. You helped me get it.

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And now to everyone reading and listening…

I don’t know what’s going on in your life as you read or listen to this now.

And I don’t know what experiences you’ve had in your past or present that have made you question why life is so hard or why things had or have to hurt so badly. Or even why your heart shattered and never really healed.

I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could tell you why things happened or why your heart broke or why something really unfair happened to you.

I truly wish I knew, so I could give you that comfort.

Give you that sweet moment of realization and the ability to say, “I get it now.”

But I have faith that your moment of “I get it now” will come.

Because I KNOW that He knows. He has known all along. He has been with you all along.

Been by your side all along.

And I know that He is ANXIOUS to give you that indescribable moment when you finally understand.

When you are able to say, “I get it now,” and feel joy that IT MATTERED.

He is anxious to heal your shattered heart. Heal your wounded soul. Heal your broken mind.

So you can look back and with confidence say, “I get it now.”

But for now, know that He knows. He hasn’t forgotten you. He hasn’t given up on you. He hasn’t deserted you.

He loves you.

And He will bless you with that moment.

That moment when you’ll feel

peace,

joy,

maybe even gratitude.

And you’ll be able to say

I get it now.

He has known all along. He gets it now. And one day, you will too!