A Mustard Seed

https://youtu.be/bYoOyN6teTk

July 16, 2022 (then a ton of other random days as I added line upon line)

I needed to ask a few youth for permission to share the stories that I am going to share today.

The fact that I need to ask permission proves to me that they are miracles; they are sweet, tender, and personal. They are dear to my heart, and I’m grateful for them.

For both the youth and for the miracles that happened.

I suppose they started before I even knew it or noticed it.

One night, about 3-4 days before I came back to FSY, I decided to climb out of bed and read a few scripture verses before I went to sleep.

I played that fun game where you randomly flip to a page and hope you get a good one.

Sweet little 12-14 year old me had marked the scripture on the page that I opened to, immediately drawing my eyes to Matthew 17:20. You’ve probably heard it before, but it says this: “ … If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”

I read this and immediately decided that I needed to share it during “Meet Your Counselor.” This is new for me, sharing a spiritual thought at “meet your counselor.” It’s not in the guidelines, and it’s not “suggested” or “encouraged.”

But I felt like it was the perfect thought to share. Quick, simple, and sweet.

I could explain that even though they probably didn’t want to be here at FSY, if they had a mustard seed of faith that this could be a good experience, a mustard seed of curiosity as to what FSY could be, a mustard seed of excitement, that their mustard seed would be enough.

I know now that it’s exactly what I needed to share.

And that night a few days before I came, it was exactly what I needed to read.

That scripture prepared me for a very special experience later in the week, one that I will NEVER EVER forget. One that will forever and always be with me.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I had four very specific experiences this week that will always be with me, that will always live in my heart.

Then of course, there were a multitude of moments that meant a lot to me and were a ton a fun to experience and be a part of.

Because let’s be honest, I just love FSY, and I love the youth, so it’s almost always a good time (being tired is hard).

The first miracle was when one of my girls decided to stay at FSY. Her mom had dropped her off and said that if she was still miserable by Wednesday morning, her mom would come pick her up.

So Tuesday morning, this young woman asked where her mom needed to call so they could arrange her to be checked out the next day.

I was devastated. I was crushed. I was sad.

I asked this young woman if there was a small chance she was willing to stay, and she said that there was, but it was tiny.

I told her to let me know if she needed anything or if she thought I could do something to help her.

She said okay and we moved on to the next activity.

I began praying immediately throughout the day that she would be comforted and then decide to stay.

Of course I added the “but if not” in every time.

In fact, I pondered the possible

“but if not”s all day too.

This is what I came up with:

“Heavenly Father, please help (her name) want to stay here at FSY, but if not, please help her remember what she learned here.”

Heavenly Father, please help (her name) want to stay here at FSY, but if not, help her to know she’s loved and not alone.

Heavenly Father, please help (her name) want to stay here at FSY, but if not, give her comfort and peace during this hard time.

~~~~~~~~~~

After the dance on Tuesday night, I asked all the girls where they were on the scale from 1-10. 1 being, “I want to go home right now because this sucks” and 10 being, “this is absolutely amazing and I’m having a blast.”

This young woman that I had been praying for ALL day said, “9.” I immediately asked her if that means she was going to stay, and she said yes!

I quite literally “jumped for joy.” In fact, I ran around them jumping for joy. The excitement was bursting out of my heart as my legs propelled me forward and upward! It felt phenomenal.

That was the first miracle.

The second miracle was when I was on lunch duty. I was given the decision to go upstairs or downstairs to direct traffic, and I randomly chose upstairs.

Well I don’t think it was so random because one of my young woman came up to me, sat down next to my chair, and asked if she could ask me a question. I said, “of course.”

We then had a conversation for about 30 minutes about some of her concerns and questions. Because of prior experiences in my life, I knew just what to say. Towards the end, I told her that she may be sitting in a chair in years to come, talking to a young woman and empathizing with her, saying, “I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I get it” just like I was in present time.

She said something so sweet to me … that she was never going to forget me and that she wanted to grow up to become like me. It meant so much to me and I felt so overwhelmingly grateful for Heaven’s help in that conversation and for preparing me throughout my life for that very moment.

The next miracle was one I could never possibly forget. It was one of those stories from this summer that I will probably use over and over again because of how special it was and is to me.

Moments and miracles like this one do not happen very often. In fact, I would say there was only one moment this summer prior to this that could compete with this memory and miracle.

It was Thursday, so we were all dressed in our Sunday best and had participated in several spiritual activities that day. It was around 8pm, just as testimony meeting began.

Out of the many companies at FSY that week, our company as well as two others were sitting in our assigned room for testimony meeting.

I had just sat down and got settled when one of my boys, sitting in front of me and to my right, showed me his phone screen. It said, “Testimony” at the top, and just below it said “Nonexistent.”

I could tell there was hidden pain in his voice when he asked, “is this okay?” He wasn’t trying to be vulnerable. In fact, I’m not sure exactly what he was thinking. I don’t think he expected me to say “yes of course it is okay.”

So when I held out my hand and requested he give me his phone, his eyebrows lifted and he had a confused look on his face.

I only wrote two sentences, “You are here which means you have something. A mustard seed is all you need” and a scripture, “Matthew 17:20” and then gave him back his phone.

He took it and put it in his lap.

A minute or two passed as I was sitting there, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him and about his question: “is this okay?” He hadn’t said it in a voice that pleaded for some type of validation or comfort. Instead, he tried to make it sound indifferent and plain.

Luckily for me, I immediately knew that this young man needed some help. He needed some love. He needed some reassurance and comfort that everything was going to be okay.

So as I was sitting there thinking, I tapped on his shoulder and asked for his phone back. Once again, a look of puzzlement crossed his face, but he unlocked his phone and handed it to me, still open on the notes app.

My fingers starting typing away, and the words came easily into my mind. I won’t write exactly what I said to him, but I expressed that it was probably scary to be dropped off here and not have any desire to be here. I explained that it was probably hard being at FSY when he wanted so desperately to have a testimony and was having a hard time finding one. FSY could feel like a constant punch in the face, “you don’t have a testimony yet. You don’t know. You don’t know. You don’t know …”

Of course we never ever teach that or say anything close to that, but the devotionals and classes teach gospel principles, and one can only imagine the thoughts running through his mind as he most likely grew frustrated that he hadn’t received a personal testimony of the truth of those things even though he was trying to.

I guess the reason I say all of those things is because I was once there myself … but not over gospel principles. I had trouble with something else.

And each time someone brought it up and testified of it, my heart broke just a little bit more. Why, when I had tried so hard for a testimony of it, had it never come? Why was it so painful each day?

Therefore, I continued my note to him explaining that I was so beyond proud of him. That I had watched him that week and had noticed him striving for a testimony. I had watched him put effort into activities and try to learn for himself.

So I knew. I knew immediately that he did have a testimony. He had a very large and strong testimony, one that he just didn’t recognize yet.

I told him that. I told him that he was valiant and full of so much love. I told him not to give up. I told him that I loved him, and that the Savior did too.

Then I handed his phone back.

He took it, and mouthed, “should I read this now or later?”

I shrugged and said that whenever he wanted to was good with me.

I watched him put it down and look towards the front.

The thought to hug this young man kept circling in my brain again and again and again. I just kept thinking that I needed to find a way to hug him in a way that wouldn’t be weird or embarrass him.

So when he asked to go to the bathroom, it was like Heaven cried out to me, “now’s your chance!”

I switched off my co-counselor (he went with this young man and another youth to the bathroom) and awaited anxiously for this youth to come out. I crossed my fingers that he would come out first so I could have a moment with him alone. (We weren’t breaking rules because leaders were down the hall and could see us.)

By divine design, he came out first. He looked surprised to see me and asked where his male counselor was (my co). I told him that I switched so I could be here.

I then went up to him and asked if I could hug him.

He looked a little bit confused but shrugged his shoulders as to say, “okay sure.”

So I opened my arms and hugged him. I squeezed him tight and said to him, “hang in there buddy.”

When we parted, he looked a little confused but also deep in thought.

Seconds later, the other youth had come out of the bathroom, and all three of us went back inside the testimony room.

The next day, I could have sworn I saw an entirely different young man. He was happy and open, smiling and laughing, participating and engaged … it was amazing!!!

Later that day at the dance, he came up to me. He said that his sister said hi and wanted to meet me. My heart simply melted and burst with joy at the same time.

I asked him what he thought of the note I had written for him, and he said that it was awesome. I just smiled and said, “well I meant every word.”

He smiled back.

After the dance, our company had our final lesson together as we set goals and shared them with one another.

This young man shared that he wanted to get past 2nd Nephi. That was his goal.

I immediately started tearing up, and small tears escaped my eyes and ran down my face.

His goal meant the very most to me.

I knew he wanted to use this experience to genuinely try to better his testimony and strengthen it. His goal proved to me that he has an abundance of faith and truly wants to do what’s right. The best part is that I knew it all along.

After our kids shared their goals, all three counselors (me included) bore our testimonies and invited the kids to “keep the change” that they had made this week of FSY.

After our final company prayer, we went around giving hugs, taking pictures, and saying goodbye.

I will never forget the sweet and joyous hug I gave this young man as I told him I was proud of him and cheering him on.

I probably had the look of absolute joy and excitement when he pulled out a note from his pocket and gave it to me. It was folded up, and it had my name on it.

I quickly put it in my pocket and smiled at him, expressing how excited I was and telling him thank you.

When we got back to the dorms and had said goodbye to our boys, I pulled out the note.

It was exactly what I wanted to hear and hit me right in the soul. He told me thank you for helping him find his testimony or at least for helping him start on the path.

I will forever cherish that note and those moments with him.

I will forever cherish that very powerful miracle and will always remember this evidence of proof that Heavenly Father is aware of us … our pain and suffering, our happiness and joy, our goals and dreams, our deepest desires … He is aware and cares more than we could know.

This miracle also proves to me that Heavenly Father prepares us for moments to come long before they happen.

I had randomly flipped to Matthew 17:20 just over a week before this happened, and it was the absolute perfect scripture to share. It was the perfect scripture to be my theme throughout this week … all three of these weeks in Williamsburg honestly. This scripture is my personal theme, but it does not subtract from FSY’s theme of Proverbs 3:5-6.

~~~~~~~

The next miracle was during R&R (reflect and review) on Thursday. The girls had shared their thoughts and feelings from the day, and we were about to wrap up when I felt very distinctly that one more girl had something to share.

I didn’t know if she’d share it on her own, so I said to the group, “I feel like there is one more girl who needs to say something. Maybe it’s someone who has already shared something, and maybe it is one of the girls who hasn’t said anything yet. I just want to sit here for a moment and give her the opportunity to share if she chooses to do so.”

Keep in mind that I knew exactly which girl needed to share, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or call her out, so I worded it in a way where I wasn’t putting pressure on her.

About 15 seconds later (maybe 30 seconds later I don’t know), she spoke up. She shared that she was really struggling, and we were all able to listen to her and then support her. We were able to give her a hug and let her know we loved her.

Afterwards, as this young woman was walking down the hallway to her room, I said, “Hey [her name], I just want to let you know that you were the girl I was talking about.”

She said, “I know. After you said that, the spirit said, ‘that’s you.’”

Hearing that from her grew my faith that following promptings leads to miracles. That I can receive personal revelation.

As an FSY counselor, Heavenly Father helped me be there for my kids’ specific needs and help them grow in the way that helped them best. It was miraculous and revelatory and humbling and amazing and indescribable.

Truly indescribable.

The last story could be considered a miracle as well, but I choose to think of it as a tender mercy.

It’s just a little different than the other experiences.

~~~~~

On Saturday when we arrived, I received my room key and got into my room. I dropped my stuff off and left to go get food.

A group of us walked to Dominos to get pizza. Unfortunately, we had to walk back and get it delivered because the lobby was closed, but it all worked out and was a fun experience.

Anyway, after we ate pizza and chilled in the lobby of the building the girls were all staying in, I went upstairs to go to my room.

But it didn’t open.

I tried the key again and again, swiping it in different directions, flipping it on its back, on the side, and all around. The door simply wouldn’t unlock. It didn’t even turn red.

Nothing.

I started panicking because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. My stuff was in there!

I heard some talking down the hall, so I followed the noise and found another girl receiving help getting in her room.

Side tangent but she was my assistant coordinator for the next two weeks. ☺️

It was a tender mercy that the locksmith guy was on the floor that I was on, already helping someone else!

After he unlocked her door, he followed me around the corner and down my hall to let me in.

His master key worked, and immediately my panic subsided.

He tried to code another key to work for my room, but it wouldn’t work either.

He told me I’d need to move rooms tomorrow, but that I needed to contact housing because he was just the locksmith guy.

Nodding, I went into my room.

The next day, we were able to switch me rooms, and I was moved up to the fourth floor. It was a little bit annoying and inconvenient, but I was fine and dealt with it. [insert laughy face here]

When the girls came on Monday (the day after I was moved), one of the rooms simply wouldn’t open.

Room 306.

Nothing worked.

They sat in the hall with me at the end of the day, with all their stuff, basically homeless while we were waiting for someone to come help us. And even then, the room didn’t open.

I suddenly had the idea to have them go to room 302. I had left the deadbolt in when I switched rooms (so I could get back in if I had forgotten something), so they were able to go right in and put their stuff in there.

We knew it was empty because that was where I was supposed to be. (Tender mercy baby!)

They ended up staying in room 302 the whole week, and had I not been switched rooms the day before, I’m not sure what we would have done.

I know it would have been inconvenient and frustrating for them if we would have had to find a different solution, but He took care of it before it got to that point.

Another time that Heavenly Father answered a prayer before it was spoken.

I have a firm faith that He does that. I know He answers prayers before they’re spoken. And I feel so eternally grateful to Him for that.

Week five of FSY was amazing and something I’ll never forget.

I hope to always remember how important a mustard seed of faith is. How it can move mountains. How it can do the impossible.

My invitation to you is to find the mustard seeds in your life and nurture and grow them. Help them become beautiful trees.

Because your mustard seed of faith, of hope, of belief, of courage, of bravery, of strength, and of trust is enough.

It can move mountains.

It can do the impossible.

It can change your life.

And then you can change others’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My last thought for you is something one of my girls shared with us during R&R. She explained that her family was not active in the church and that it was really hard. She then expressed that when she gets stressed about it, she remembers that they have forever to figure it out.

I don’t know how the doctrine works on that, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t be true.

Your loved ones have a myriad of time to figure it out, so hold onto your mustard seed of faith that they’ll come back. With the Savior, anything is possible.