I was an FSY counselor for 7 weeks.
I feel like I say it so often that it doesn’t sound like very long, but that was almost 2 months of my life.
Whoa.
And I mean 2 full months…every single day I was working and living and BEING a counselor. FSY isn’t one of those jobs where you say you work somewhere for 3 months and you’re still a newbie.
FSY wasn’t one of those jobs that required half participation or half effort.
No.
You either gave it your all, or you missed out.
More importantly, your kids missed out.
And because of this, I gave it my all.
Every. Week.
Every. Day.
And if I could, every moment.
My “all” varied from time to time.
Some days I would be more tired and other days I’d have a lot of energy.
But no matter what, I tried to love the youth and show them that as best as I possibly could.
That being said, there were many times when I questioned why they loved me back.
Not that I don’t think I’m lovable or anything, but the fact that I didn’t get to know some of them very well.
I didn’t always get the opportunity to minister to the one and help them understand how much they were loved…on an individual scale.
Now to explain some things real quick.
As I mentioned before, I worked for 7 weeks.
Only one of those weeks I had 20 kids.
Every other week I was in a trio or I had at least 30 kids.
So for fun and to break it down:
- Week One: 30 kids in trio
- Week Two: 20 kids
- Week Three: 46 kids in trio and then I was moved out the first day to be with only one counselor. We had 32 kids together. (We were understaffed that week!)
- Week Four: 39 kids (or something) in trio
- Week Five: in trio
- Week Six: in trio
- Week Seven: in trio
There is a reason I explained that.
The main point I want you to understand is that there were only two weeks of the 7 where I was not in a trio.
And being in a trio meant I had girls in my company that weren’t “my” girls.
They were my co-counselor’s girls.
We were together for most the time as a company, but for the morning devotional and the evening reflect and review, it was each counselor with their group of youth.
So I didn’t get to spend the very valuable and precious time with the girls that weren’t in my group.
Don’t misunderstand me, I truly loved my group of girls each week and was glad to be with them one-on-one.
I could understand why they liked me, why they loved me.
They knew me. They heard me bear my testimony. They had opportunities to be vulnerable with me.
I had time to get to know them. Specifically and individually.
I didn’t have that most weeks with the other girls in our company.
But most of them loved me too.
Why?
The last week of FSY, I was in College Park, Maryland at the University of Maryland.
One of the coordinators that I had been with for the last 3 weeks came up to me on Sunday night.
She had told me previously that I came up in a leadership meeting, and everyone immediately said, “Oh I love Kyra,” and, “She’s the best.”
I was so pleasantly surprised and happy to hear it.
So when she came over, I told her thank you for telling me that the week prior.
She said, “Of course! We all love you Kyra.”
I’m not going to lie, I don’t remember specifically how the conversation went, but I think I asked her why.
Once again, not because I’m insecure or because I think I’m unlovable, but because I had been thinking about being loved for the past few weeks.
She said, “It’s because you love yourself and other people can see that. They can feel it.”
Once again, I was pleasantly surprised, and super shocked.
Wow. What a compliment.
We talked for a few more minutes and then she had to go.
But then I began to introspect and ponder…hmm is that why the other girls in my companies loved me even though they didn’t know me super well?
Because they knew I loved myself and could feel that?
On August 14, I wrote:
One thought I’ve been thinking about:
When you love yourself, there is a clear light around you that others can see. And when you love yourself, you can more easily love others and they can more easily FEEL that love. You can love them genuinely and authentically without giving them your all or draining your emotional bank because you already love yourself and aren’t working on that too.
Brene Brown said, “Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
“Personally, I fought the data with everything I have. Over and over, I heard the idea of self-love as a prerequisite to loving others, and I hated it. Sometimes it’s so much easier to love Steve [her husband] and the kids than it is to love myself. It’s so much easier to accept their quirks and eccentricities than it is to practice self-love around what I see as my deep flaws. But in practicing self-love over the past couple of years, I can say that it has immeasurably deepened my relationships with the people I love. It’s given me the courage to show up and be vulnerable in new ways, and that’s what love is all about.”
What do you think of that?
That self-love deepens our relationships with others and makes it easier to love others.
I didn’t know if I 100% agreed years ago, but I know I do now.
I don’t think it’s impossible to love others when you don’t love yourself, but there is an added depth when you love yourself too.
And I think that’s why (or at least a possibility) the youth that didn’t know me super well still loved and appreciated me. Why other FSY employees enjoyed my company. Why it wasn’t draining for me to love each youth.
Why, in some ways (or most ways), it was rejuvenating.
That’s why loving yourself is a gift.
A gift to those that you are in a relationship with. A gift to those that know you. A gift to those that will know you.
And most importantly, a gift to yourself.
Be patient if you’re not there yet. Keep practicing, keep working at it, keep trying. The journey is the outcome, and you can do it.
Because loving others is important…but loving yourself, well, that’s absolutely vital.
Loved hearing this on the podcast! You are such a great example!!