[Written on January 8, 2020]
Today has been a hard day. The weight has been heavy, and the darkness has been present.
But I am currently in seminary right now, and I shared a thought: Alma 41:14
14 Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.
I shared this and bore my testimony that helping others, doing good, judging righteously, and dealing justly will all be worth it to us as things will be “restored unto [us] again.” Doing these things will bring blessings and happiness.
I often think that people assume that if happiness and joy are promised to them, it will come immediately and right after they complete the deed. I think, oftentimes, people lose faith when blessings don’t come right away, or even years after because they feel alone and unloved. They could even feel confused. I know I have. Personally, I think it is a fair question and concern to have: Why aren’t these blessings coming when I was promised them? When I needed them?! When I need them, still? Why has it been years? Maybe even decades?
It is so easy to forget that sometimes blessings don’t come right away…or even in this life. And, yeah. You’re right. It is so hard. It is so difficult to have patience, to endure to the end, to even get up in the morning when it seems you are all alone. I mean, let’s be honest. Some days, it is nearly impossible. It can be nearly impossible to even breathe some days. Trust me, I know.
Anyway, my point was, I shared this scripture in seminary today, and when I sat down in my seat, my heart exploded with tingles and the sweet love of the spirit. For one second, one sweet, sweet second, the weight wasn’t even there. Filled in its place was warmth and love. I’ll be honest with you here, I haven’t felt the spirit in over 2 months…so it was a tender mercy and small miracle that I felt His love today.
I know and promise and testify that there is light throughout the darkness. That the blessings do come. And if they don’t come in this life, you betcha booty they come in the next… and I have a sneaking suspicion that in the next life, they will be greater than anything we can receive in this one.
P.S. I had my dad give me a priesthood blessing on Sunday night to bring me comfort in going back to school. I get mad anxiety and hopelessness right before going back after a long break. In the blessing, it said that Heavenly Father understands that my relationship with Christ has never been an easy journey. He understands and knows that I’ve felt hatred for Christ. BUT…in the blessing, it said that one day, this testimony of Christ and His love for me and others will be CEMENTED into my heart. Even into my soul. Not even kidding you. It said CEMENTED into my soul. CEMENTED into my heart. That my testimony of Christ’s atonement would be a part of me and my heart.
I thought that was remarkable and amazing. I have always wanted that love, but I have never known where to find it. People tell me he is waiting with outstretched arms and hands, but I can never find him, nor can I find his love. Although I can’t find love for him today, I have faith that it will be CEMENTED into my very DNA one day.
I can’t wait for that day.
