Earthly Angels

Have you met an angel? I have. This time, I don’t mean someone who can fly and glows, although my grandma sure is bright!

I was sitting upstairs, really struggling with life. Really worried about my arm, really worried about a test the next day, really worried about all the homework I had, and I was really worried about where I wanted to take my life. What I wanted to be.

You see, it is stressful for me to try to find a happy medium of finding a job that I love, and finding a responsible job that I could grow to love.

I’ve always wanted to be a nurse because my grandma, mom, and aunt are all nurses. I’ve had an interest in the medical field ever since I was little. I haven’t lost that interest, but it is no longer my dream job. My dream job is to be a motivational speaker and an author.

My life hasn’t been easy. I have severe chronic depression, and that has affected me in every aspect of my life and who I am. I have anxiety, and a deep desire/core belief to be perfect. I broke my arm this year, and it was a double whammy—both a physical and mental illness. It increased my depression. Sometimes it caused it.

Because of these *things,* (I hate the word trial) I am a different person. [I want to note that because I have developed more fully as a person, this does not mean I am “grateful” for my trials. Because I am not. I am grateful for who I am from them. I will never say I am grateful for them.] I have learned how to express my feelings and cope with life. Because I have learned how to do these things, I can help others, and this brings me no greater joy.

Anyways, it is my passion to become a motivational speaker, but it has brought me stress on how to get there.

As I was sitting on my couch upstairs, mindlessly trying to do my homework, my wonderful grandma sits down on the couch with me. We probably spoke for an hour or two. It is important to note that she is and was my personal angel. She is an earthly angel.

She knew right what I needed to hear and talk about. We talked about following our passions, living life one day and moment at a time, and having faith that it will all work out. She changed everything for me. She was the light at the end of the very long tunnel.

What’s crazy is that she was at our house that night, right when I needed her most. She lives in a different state, and she was down visiting. Well that night, she had been planning on sleeping at my aunt’s house, but my little brother asked her if she would sleep at our house since it was his birthday weekend.

So of course, she stayed. My sweet little 7 year old brother asked her to stay, and she stayed; this is evidence that everything happens for a reason. This is evidence that God knows. This is evidence that he cares.

I also want to mention my mom.

Dear Mom,

Thank you so much for all you do. You’ve been patient with me, caring, loving, and compassionate. When I am grumpy and upset, you are kind and nonjudgmental. You allow me to be imperfect. You help me shower, make food, take me to the doctors, buy me Crumbl when I’ve had a bad day, and so much more. Life hasn’t been easy for you, but you’ve been persistent in pushing on. I love you and am grateful for you.

I’m also grateful to those who have reached out, spent time with me, and listened. It means so much to me. Thank you, thank you to all my angels. Thank you for lighting my candle. It makes all the difference.