Leaders of the church and other members encourage you to be still after finishing your prayer.
They recommend you stay kneeling, quietly and reverently listening.
To be honest, I’m not very good at it.
My mind wanders and thinks about all sorts of things.
Like the book I’m reading, or what happened that day, or how I’m excited to go to sleep, or it starts preparing for the next day. (Orrr I just climb into bed and don’t stay kneeling at all. Whoops!)
It’s hard to focus on listening.
It’s hard to stay kneeling and stay present.
But in the rare cases that I do, sometimes I hear something.
Sometimes Heaven sends me a message.
Being an FSY counselor is fulfilling and rewarding in so many ways. Honestly, words can’t describe the feelings of gratitude and appreciation that I feel when thinking about my experiences at FSY.
More specifically, my feelings related to the youth.
They hold a piece of my heart, and I think it will forever be with them.
That aspect of being a counselor is hard.
You meet youth, elect young people, and your heart connects to theirs.
You bond with them.
You laugh with them.
You cry with them.
You love them.
So when it’s time to say goodbye, your heart is full, but it’s also very very sad.
I have to remind myself of what Winnie the Poo once said, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
Preach, Winnie!
Saying goodbye is definitely hard, but what’s harder are the days after the goodbye. The weeks after the goodbye. The months after goodbye.
The years after goodbye.
Those moments are painful.
Last summer, I had a week off after my three weeks in Kentucky, and I spent it in Cedar City.
That week was HARD.
I actually cried two or three times because of how sad I was.
I MISSED my youth. I missed my kids.
I missed them terribly.
It was quite clear to me that I desperately needed help with my aching heart.
So on Tuesday of that week off, I knelt down in prayer.
I poured my soul out, but mostly I just cried and expressed how much pain I was in and how I needed help.
I specifically remember saying during the prayer, “Father, please, help me. I miss my youth. I miss them so much it hurts. I need thy help.”
After finishing the prayer, I stayed kneeling.
Perhaps it was because I was so sad. Perhaps it was because I was trying to gather myself before climbing into bed. Perhaps I was so emotionally tired that I couldn’t get up physically.
Or, maybe, I had hope I would receive an answer or some type of comfort.
Whatever the reason, I stayed kneeling.
Not long after I finished my prayer, I heard five words in my mind.
Words I’ll never forget.
“I miss my kids too.”
Wow.
Truly, wow.
I’ve thought about that a lot since then, and I think it applies to all of God’s children.
All of them, but individually.
One by one.
It applies to those who have strayed from the covenant path. (Especially because they have/had a covenantal relationship with Heavenly Father, and I can imagine it is so painful for Him when someone breaks their covenants!)
It applies to those who have never known His gospel.
It applies to those on the covenant path that are sometimes too busy to spend time with Him.
It applies to those who are valiantly engaged in the good cause of the Gospel. Even those individuals He desires to spend more time with!
It applies to those who are coming back to Him.
It applies to those who have never really cared for Him but have always known of Him.
It applies to all.
Individually.
One by one.
He misses each child.
When I share this experience that has been easy to recount and consecrate for good, I end with an invitation to spend more time with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I express that they miss YOU. That they want to spend more time with YOU.
Because it’s true.
They do.
Patrick Kearon said, “God is in relentless pursuit of you. He ‘wants all of His children to choose to return to Him,’ and He employs every possible measure to bring you back.”
Although the pain of missing my youth has not gone away (and probably never will!), it is comforting to know that Heavenly Father is very aware of that pain.
That He experiences it too.
That He gets it.
That He employs perfect empathy when He says, “I miss them too.”
Great Post! I do miss you kids too when you are away! I can possibly imagine it feels similar except I know that I will see you soon enough. Thank you for sharing another great story! Love you
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This post is so heartfelt and beautiful!!! I know the Lord loves us and does indeed miss us… he cares deeply for us, for our happiness, for us to know Him.. thank you for sharing your thoughts so beautifully!! I love this post and YIU!!