Learning to Listen

FSY Training: Day Three 6/3/22

I was THAT kid.

The one who answered all the questions.

The one that waited during the silence, prepared to bail the teacher out.

The one who had an answer ready in case no one else decided to share.

The one who didn’t like to sit there and wait for someone to speak up when I could just do it myself and we could move on.

The one who kids looked at when the silence lasted too long.

The looks said, “Okay, Kyra. You’re up. We don’t want to share, and we all know you know the answer.”

I accepted that role. It fit me, and I was okay to fill that need. After all, every class needs someone to bail the teacher out when it is an emergency…when the teacher starts looking around frantically for someone to answer. Anyone to answer. At this point, they don’t care that this has basically been a lesson between you and them. Nope, they are just trying to get through it.

Sometimes, the teachers are comfortable with silence. They are used to it and know it is necessary. Even still, the students give the look to THAT kid, waiting for them to say something as they always do.

So although some teachers are comfortable with silence, most people are not, creating the problem with the same kid (or two kids) answering all the questions. All to avoid the silence.

My last post was about silence, and when silence speaks.

I’ve been thinking about it some more.

You see, last week during training, I didn’t bear my testimony during testimony meeting.

AND. THAT. IS. SO. UNLIKE. ME.

It’s almost like I have this innate desire, this need, to share my thoughts. My mind goes through all the things I could say while other people are bearing their testimony. Since I am focused on what I am going to say, I often miss what they are sharing. What they are testifying of. What they are touched by.

I’m missing an opportunity to learn and to grow. To gain more love for them. To see them as a human being whom deserves love and has a fragile heart.

SO…last week, I just sat there. I stopped trying to think about what I was going to say. How I could share a message that someone needed to hear and make someone cry because my testimony was just that good. (Ya I know, kind of messed up but there is teenager Kyra’s secret philosophy.) And instead, I listened.

I’m not going to lie, it was really hard at times. It was especially hard when the meeting was over, and I realized I didn’t get up. And it was even harder when one of the guys said to some of the girls, “Thanks for sharing your testimonies. I really liked them.” Then to me, “That is, if you shared your testimony.”

I know he was probably just trying to be funny or be clever, but it hurt a little bit. What he doesn’t understand is that I purposefully listened. I chose NOT to get up.

But I’ve decided that it’s okay. Let him (and whomever else) think whatever they want. At the end of the day, I have a testimony, and I don’t need to share it to be a worthy member of the church. So I let it go. It still hurts sometimes, but I remind myself that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know me, and they know the desires of my heart. One 21-23 year old’s opinion (I don’t know exactly how old he is) doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t.

Besides, we already discussed that he was probably teasing.

SOOO ANYWAY…

Learning to listen is going to be a lifelong goal and journey of mine. Especially as a counselor this summer. I catch myself SOO MANY TIMES wanting to share or connect something that the youth are saying to thoughts in my head. Sometimes I share, but I’m trying really hard to listen.

Since I’ve just started this endeavor, I can admit that I’m really bad at it.

At least I’m consistent…

In second grade, my elementary teacher created a reward system to discourage blurting. It may or may not have been because of me.

I just needed to get my thoughts out of my head. I needed to show the teacher that I knew the answer. I needed to relieve the pressure of having the answer bouncing around in my mind.

In middle and high school, I convinced myself that I was helping myself out. And maybe I was, but I think it was also an excuse.

You see, what I convinced myself of was that if I answered (or at least raised my hand) every time I knew the answer, then the teachers wouldn’t unexpectedly call on me when I did not know the answer.

I can see now that it was kind of silly. Who cares if you don’t have the answer, y’know? It mattered a lot to me then, but now I can see that it was kind of silly.

All this being said, I still answer a ton of questions in college. HA!

Like always, I sort of got off course/topic. Typical Kyra. [insert winkie face here]

SO, back to listening.

There is so much value in listening, and I know I’ll get better at it. Especially if I want to be a mental health counselor one day (although that is totally different to me).

Luckily for me, I have a whole summer to practice. To get better. To improve. And by the end, I’m going to be a pro!

I’ll keep you updated! 😂