Rabbit Hole of Conversations

1:10 AM

July 6, 2019

First off, I have no idea where to start. Absolutely none. Ideas and points are flying around in my head, bouncing off of the walls and each other like excited gas molecules in a balloon. There is a certain way I’d like to write what I want to get across, but there are so many endless ways and possibilities that can happen in order to reach this goal. These different ways may lead us down a different road. Honestly, anything is possible, and that’s okay.

Life is such a complex idea, and life-changing questions are constant. They eat away at everything we know and everything we THINK we know. Who am I? Where did I come from? What’s the purpose of all of this? Why? Why me? Why today?

At one point in our lives, we all ask ourselves who we are. We all wonder why we are here. We all wonder why certain things are necessary. We all wonder if there is a point…or a purpose.

Sometimes, our thoughts tumble out, and we start these mind-boggling conversations that last for hours. I call them rabbit-hole conversations.

These deep conversations wrack our brain, and can be very painful. This is because our minds do not have the mental capacity to understand all the things that we want to know. It is said that we only use 10% of our brain at a time. Perhaps in the next life we will have access to 100% of our brain all the time!

While entering these conversations, we are often vulnerable. This is because we are searching for answers and for hope. That was me tonight. The important part about these conversations is that you come out on top. Now I don’t mean “winning” the conversation, I’m talking about ending on a good note. It simply will not do to conclude talking while still upset, as this will leave you with more doubts and frustrations.

Sometimes the conversation gets worse before it gets better. This is when it is absolutely necessary to find something to sate your fears and persevere to the end.

These conversations are not bad if they are handled correctly. It is important that you leave the conversation on top. This means you leave with MORE knowledge. More hope. More light at the end, less tunnel. It is important that during these life-changing conversations, we are discovering purpose.

For me, I always try to leave these hard conversations with a few positive points. Something I can look back to and ponder upon. If you can find 1-2 memorable things that you liked, consider the conversation successful!

Tonight I asked, “what makes me special? There are billions of God’s children, and I am just one person. What makes me important?”

To which I was answered, “you are a daughter of God.”

Nope not good enough. I need more. Everyone on this earth-past, present, and future, are all children of God. “What makes me special?”

Here it comes. The point that turned this conversation for the better. The point that made it a success!!!

I was asked, “what’s anything multiplied by infinity?”

To which I replied, “infinity.”

Again they asked, “One times infinity?”

“Infinity.”

“Two times infinity?”

“Infinity.”

“Do you see a pattern here? If there was no beginning and no end to time, then God must’ve had a Heavenly father and Heavenly mother too. If there are multiple planets in a solar system, and multiple solar systems in a galaxy, and multiple galaxies in a universe, then perhaps there are multiple universes too. Heavenly Father is over this galaxy, we know that. But there are billions of galaxies. Infinity times billions? Infinity. So there are probably multiple gods, in charge of different planets and such. So what makes our God special? He is one of many as well.”

Not doctrine. Just an idea/opinion that was shared in a conversation!!!

I was shell-shocked: “uhhhh, I don’t know.”

“We make Him special. We are His, and He is ours. He is special because of us. He made us. We are His beloved children, with infinite worth and infinite potential. As we make Him special, He too, makes us special.”

Rosemary M. Wixon said, “Because you are His child, you not only need Him, but He needs you.”

We must not forget that He KNOWS us. He has known us for millennia and longer. He made us. He knows every flaw, every imperfection, every weakness that we have…yet we are still perfect to Him.

You’ve probably heard, “He knows you by name.”

Well when I hear this, my thoughts immediately jump to, “Big deal. Lots of people know my name. Why does it matter that He knows my name?”

I’ve received a wonderful answer from a bishop youth chat years ago. I actually got this from one of my old captions from my Instagram account: @make.a.difference.with.Christ

The question is “Does He just know our name?”

The answer is…

No! He knows us better than we know ourselves. Here is an example from one of my old bishops: “If my daughter suddenly got amnesia and couldn’t remember anything about herself, I could show her who she was. I could show her what her favorite ice cream was and her favorite song and movie. I could tell her what she wanted to be when she grew up, and I could tell her what she was good at. I’ve only known her 15.5 years, and this is not even close to the millennia that Heavenly Father has known you. So imagine this, God knows us better than we know ourselves. He has thousands of years of memories of us that we don’t even remember. Down here on this Earth, we have amnesia. The veil covers our memories, so we can’t remember Pre-Mortal life, but He does. He remembers you. He knows you. He has not forgotten who you are.

So yes, He knows much more than our names. He knows everything about us, and He loves us unconditionally. He loves our uniqueness and preciousness, because He made us. We are special to Him.

As you can see, I came out on top of this conversation. I defeated my doubts and conquered my fears. I’m grateful for rabbit-hole conversations. Without them, we’d never grow.