The Mountains We Climb

Okay to start off, there are some REALLY ATTRACTIVE glamour shots below. I thought I would share them with you to show the difference between the shifts.

(Ya I know I am totally embarrassing myself, but oh well!!!) 🤣😏

I feel like the pictures are pretty self-explanatory, but I will elaborate.

The first day was pretty average at first, but then we had a straight rush for 2 hours. I didn’t know what I was doing; I was constantly being corrected about certain things; I felt like I couldn’t breathe (didn’t help that I had a mask on the whole time); My brain was fried, and I made a lot of stupid mistakes. The owner had to come in to help make drinks because we were so busy, and I just stood at the window taking payments. I was terrified to take orders because I didn’t know where any of the buttons were. People got impatient with me, and I felt sick to my stomach. It was total chaos and a total disaster.

The second shift was really calm. There weren’t many cars that day, and I did a lot of cleaning throughout the store. I still had minor anxiety every time the headset beeped, alerting me to a customer at the menu. I didn’t have a good time. It wasn’t enjoyable at all. I still barely knew what I was doing.

Towards the end of the shift, I did something pretty stupid. Because of COVID-19, we’ve been instructed to wipe off the card reader after every customer. However, I was told to show the customer that I was wiping it off, so they could put their pin in without stress of germs. In order to show them that I was wiping it off good, I never wrung out the rag. Ya…not even once. I just didn’t think. If you wipe a phone off with a soaking wet rag, it will be fine. I didn’t put 2 and 2 together to come to the conclusion that water probably isn’t the best thing for a card reader. It all started when the card reader alerted me to a “bad swipe.” I did it again, and the ending was the same. I thought maybe it was the card because it was a little worn out. The customer ended up paying in cash because we couldn’t get it to work. After a minute or so, the card reader began to freak out. The message, “ALERT irruption!!!” came on the screen every few seconds. My heart dropped down into my stomach, and I called my shift lead over. To no one’s surprise, it was a goner. Done for. Broken. Unfixable. The shift lead called one of the owners, and they came over in a flash. Understandably, they were not happy about it. I felt awful. I felt so bad. If you know me, you know that I am a people pleaser…and knowing that I broke an expensive $800 card reader led me to start crying. I asked over and over if there was anything I could do. I offered to pay for it. I offered to replace it. He said that he wasn’t going to make me pay for it, but that I needed to be extra careful. I walked out that day sobbing. Day 2 has about 5 pictures of how sad I was, but I only shared one above. Then, I went to my friend’s house and signed her cast, telling her what happened. We laughed about it as I cried again. I decided to draw a little picture on her cast, and it made me feel a little better.

The third day was better. Before I went to work however, I was terrified. No, actually, terrified doesn’t even begin to describe how scared I was. The night before, my heart pumped anxiety. In my journal I wrote these phrases: (and I’m pretty happy with how well they describe how I felt)

My heart pounds, pumping blood to my body. As it pounds, the pain spreads… like toxin, eating away at any hope or happiness left.

The pressure is crushing me; the anxiety is flooding my veins. I cannot breathe.

The next morning, I meditated, prayed, took deep breaths, prayed again, and tried to prepare myself for the following shift. An hour before I had to go, I had a severe panic attack. I could not breathe. I started hyperventilating. My dad had the day off (he has Mondays off because he works Saturdays), so he hugged me and told me it would be okay. I started sobbing as he hugged me. I was SO nervous. SO terrified. I wouldn’t make my worst enemy feel that pain.

My friend who works there, Lou, text me the whole time I was freaking out. She explained to me that the shift leads I was going to work with were super nice, and the store I was going to work at was super fun. You see, this was my first shift at this other location. When I arrived, the atmosphere was calming and bubbly. The people there were beyond kind, patient, and compassionate towards me. Anytime I messed up, they encouraged me to try again. My shift that day was a miracle. With all the prayers sent my way from my grandma and family surely played a part in that day’s success. I finally felt that I was picking up on how to do the job. That was day 3.

On day four, I was back at the first store. However, I was working with a new shift lead, and I finally felt more confident in what I was doing because of the day prior and the people who helped me out. I finally understood where buttons were, how to answer the drive-through, how to make drinks, etc. Because I was prepared the day before, my fourth day went smoothly. I was and am beyond grateful. When I took my after shift picture, it was easy to smile and look excited. I felt overjoyed that I was finally getting a hang of it.

As this was happening to me, I kept thinking of the perfect title for a new blog post. In fact, I even made an entire post with a picture and everything before deciding to scrap that one and start anew. After that, I came up with the title above: The Mountains We Climb. Because isn’t it true? Life is full of mountains. Some are really tall and tumultuous. Some are little anthills we step over. Some are like Mount Everest, taking every ounce of strength we got.

On Sunday, the day before shift 3 and the night I couldn’t sleep, I asked my dad to give me a father’s blessing of comfort. He said yes of course, agreeing that it was a great idea. This blessing of comfort was full of a lot of words and not a lot of comfort. The blessing talked about new stages in life and new stepping stones that allow us to grow and stretch. It said that stretching was uncomfortable but necessary and worth it. For wanting comfort, it certainly did not give me that. I felt frustrated. I needed help. I needed comfort. Where was it?

This is when I give you a cliché that you’ve heard a million times.

Umm so I meant to just put the quote above, but as I was looking for it, I found these too:

After day 3 and 4, I found the truth in the blessing. It brought comfort then, as it proved to me that I was stretching. I was growing. I was changing.

This mountain was not an easy one, and I figuratively and literally could not breathe as I hiked up its rocky terrain. However, I know I wasn’t trudging along all alone. Loved ones were all around, encouraging me and not letting me fall. They believed it me. They knew I could do it.

Whatever mountain you are currently climbing, whether you are just beginning the hike or whether you are halfway there, or whether you feel you are grasping at anything to hold on to as you continue your journey, know that this mountain cannot stop you. It cannot beat you. It cannot hold you back as you keep climbing. If you cannot run, walk. If you cannot walk, crawl. If you cannot crawl, kneel.

Hilary Weeks is an lds songwriter, and she is absolutely amazing. The quote below is a phrase from her song, “Even When.” Go listen to it on YouTube.

Even When by Hilary Weeks

There are times I run, there are times I have to walk and some days I don’t move at all

I know I must let Him down when he sees

I’m not as far as I could be

But He loves me still

He loves me through

He loves me even while even when

He loves me anyway in spite of and more than

When I slip, when I fall

When I’m weak and I let go

Even when I should hold on

He loves me still, He loves me still

And something tells me

He always will

As we climb these mountains, know that you’re not climbing alone. Know that he loves you still. He loves you now. He loves you through. Most importantly, know that He always will.

You can climb any and all mountains you come across because You. Are. Strong. and He is with you always.