Maybe it’s Not Impossible After All

This next section is what I promised you above: random, sporadic, unorganized, messy, and possibly boring updates and thoughts. Without further ado…

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on my blog, and I find that to be pretty disappointing. Seriously! The last date I posted was on November 8, 2024. That’s crazy.

The good news is that my podcast has been alive and thriving. I’m not perfect at being consistent there either, but I really do try to get at least one episode out a week. My goal is to post two, but I do what I can haha!

When I feel bad that I haven’t posted on my blog in awhile, I ease the feelings of guilt and justify my lack of action by remembering that I have a podcast too, and at least I’m staying active there.

For some reason, posting on my blog is so much harder. I think there’s more pressure for it to be “good.” I want it to mean something, I want it to be uplifting, I want it to be interesting and a solid representation of who I am as a person and writer. There is less pressure when I’m podcasting (though there still is some). 

I think the other side of that is I want to finish my FSY blog posts, but I get stuck on a specific story, and I don’t feel I can move on to (or even begin thinking about) a new blog post until the other ones are written. And it just makes sense to go in chronological order. 

What is unfortunate about that is now I am two years behind. I have week six and seven to write about from 2023, and I have weeks 1-5 to write about from 2024. (Notice how I didn’t say I have one specific post per week. Yes, that’s right. Some of them have a few titles down for potential posts, and other weeks have only one.)

But now, as I look over my list, I feel overwhelmed because I don’t even remember what I was going to write about. Thank goodness I took extremely detailed notes, but still! I worry the quality is going to suffer…which also holds me back. Ugh!

Next topic (Yeah, I know, this transition is fantastic!):

Although I continually justify not writing on my blog more often, I feel this yearning to begin again. I miss journaling (that has really slowed down too). I miss expressing myself in meaningful and engaging ways. I still do it sometimes, but it is just different. But hey! Good news! I renewed my blog for three more years, so this isn’t going anywhere until at least 2028 (don’t worry, I’ll renew it then too). It was over $400, but you’re worth it. And actually, it was supposed to be over $600, but I messaged them and asked for a discount because I am trying to save and pay for college. It made me happy that messaging them worked hehehehe!

So, as stated above, several times I have felt drawn to write, but expectations for myself have held me back. Today, I decided to write anyway, so please excuse the mess and imperfections.

I actually just listened to a BYU devotional where the speaker, Sister Clark, talked about turning a “mess” into a “message.” I liked that a lot. 

So here I am, trying to write again. Trying to inspire through written word. I’m just hoping I haven’t lost my touch! Haha!

[pretend there’s a transition here haha]

I’m pretty blessed to be on multiple people’s missionary email lists. I get anywhere from 4-8 every week (depending on if people write an email or not). And if you asked me how long I would prefer the emails to be, eight times out of ten I’m going to say, “short and sweet,” or, “spiritual but simple.” And here I am, posting a forever long blog post with thousands of words. It seems hypocritical of me, but I can’t help myself. So just know, I acknowledge that my blog posts are often long, I acknowledge most of you probably don’t get to the end (fair enough), and I acknowledge that I’d probably have better engagement if I kept them short. But what do I do with all these extra thoughts? Do I just leave them up in my head? Seems like a waste!

My original draft of this post had 900 words (only counting the actual story/motivational message), and then it took a life of its own and now has 1300 words. I also checked how many words were in my random and sporadic section at the end (you’re reading it buddy!), and there are over a thousand. 

I blame it on a new book I’ve been reading. It’s called, “The Experience of Extinction: Being Human in a Disembodied World.” In the book, the author talks about how we don’t ponder anymore. We don’t allow our mind to wander. Nowadays, we fill every extra second and moment with something to occupy our brains (specifically talking about technology). So although I always listen to BYU devotionals when I’m sweeping and mopping at work, I decided to keep my phone and AirPods in the office while I swept and mopped the shelter. I let my thoughts grow and develop into words that I could fit into this blog post. It was actually an enjoyable experience, and I encourage you to give it a try. Instead of filling extra time with your phone, take time to ponder instead.